Thursday, September 22, 2016

Tennessee Man Enjoys the Sanctity of Marriage

A LaFollette man is looking forward to enjoying the sanctity of marriage for the fourth time in 11 years. Joseph D., 47, exchanged vows in a small ceremony at Cove Lake State Park on Saturday. He is wedded to Dana, who became his new fiancé just three weeks ago. D.'s third soul mate left him a month ago following a combination of irreconcilable differences and a report from a private investigator. "What can I say, I fell in love," said Joseph. "And then I fell in love again. And then I fell in love again. And then I did it again. I must not have a very low center of gravity." D. maintains that while he has had trouble staying faithful to his previous wives, he is a proponent of family values. "I value family," he said. "I'm hoping to have at least a couple more of them before I turn 50."

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Banning the Bikini in Utah

While it took a long time to be accepted, the bikini swimsuit has been pretty well mainstream nowadays. Unlike the burkini, which has been banned on some French beaches.

To be sure, the present manifestations of this popular swimsuit have trended to the briefer, unlike the 1950's and 1960's versions. 

About a decade ago, Kanab, a small town in Utah, banned the bikini. This prohibition lasted about a month, before the community leadership repealed the ban. Otherwise, such an outright banning is associated with associated with such dismal places as Qatar. [Do they orient visitors on how to pronounce it?]

Anyway, they repealed the ban because of complaints and the fact that they came out looking like horses' asses. So they dialed down and banned thongs instead. 

If I was a thong-wearer, they would take it away from me by prying it from my cold head hands. Or is that a cheeky thing to say?




Friday, September 16, 2016

Impure Thought-Causing Cheerleaders

Recently, a Mormon boy in Utah complained to his momma that the short skirts on cheerleaders gave him "impure thoughts." In turn, the lady complained to the school about this tent-raising phenomenon; and the cheer squad cannot wear their cheerleading outfits on the day of the game.

Well now, why is he complaining? Let's try to reason this out, shall we?

Is it likely that Junior experienced real distress because of these thoughts, or the trouser tent that seem to go with them? Maybe he is so easily turned on, and not enjoying it. Especially if he's been properly brainwashed beforehand.

No, my guess is that he's doing a cosmic prank on the girls, the school, and the community. The LDS church is very into proper dress (including the Mormon undies). And the schools waver at any breeze of possible community disapproval, especially from the powers that be.

Maybe some cheerleader turned him down, and he's getting his revenge this way. Or maybe he's trying to appear latter-day saintly to his doting mama. I'm just cynical enough to call this a ploy on his part.

When I was in high school, both the boys and girls would try various means to confound the school board, the principal, teachers, and parents. And sometimes they were successful! It's the consequence of conducting education in semi-authoritarian manners. Sometimes the prisoners do beat the system.

Anyway, check out the cheer outfits for Timpview High in Ogden, Utah, where these "impure thoughts" were supposedly elicited. It's in the People magazine article in the link.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Thursday, September 8, 2016

A Drinking Game for the Debates

I guess the debate (or non-debate) between Hillary and The Donald will take place later this month as scheduled. 

In order for friends to have some fun while watching it, they could fall back on an old drinking game. How about this:

Each player writes down 10 phrases or clichés that she expects a particular candidate to use. If the candidate uses that during the debate, he is allowed a sip of beer if he says "OMFG." Then the other players must remove an article of clothing.

The first one to finish his or her glass is declared the winner. If only one mug or glass is used, everybody practices moderation.  

If the non-winners wish, the remaining glasses can receive fresh beer and they can continuing until one of the remaining players becomes starkers.

Everyone sort of wins. Especially the one allowed to strip.

And a lesson comes home: Clinton and Trump are likely to drivw people to drink.

Sunday, September 4, 2016