Wednesday, October 12, 2011

'Fuck Me' Shoes

'Fuck Me' shoes are stiletto-heeled, brightly colored shoes in bright colors that is intended to gain a viewer's attention. Supposedly they send a signal to guys, "I'm available, and am interested in having sex."

The decision as to the appropriateness of 'Fuck Me' shoes raises some concerns on the moral, etiquette, legal, and fashion dimensions.

Morally, do 'Fuck Me' shoes proper footwear for a Christian young lady; or is it an overt occasion of tempting someone else to sin? Furthermore, is it proper to wear such footwear in the privacy of your home in front of your husband? Holy Roller women don't want to give their menfolk ideas.

In terms of etiquette, on what occasions is it appropriate to wear this form of footwear? Are they proper for visits to the White House, now that the Clinton Presidency is over? What about church on Sunday? What about City Council meetings? Sometimes it might not be seemly to proclaim your sexual availability.

Legally, some issues have arisen. For example, certain municipalities and counties regard their wearing as de facto evidence of solicitation for prostitution, and requirer wearers to obtain business licenses as sexual services providers. Already seventeen Tennessee counties prohibit their wearing 'Fuck Me' shoes. Certainly, this seems overkill at present; but hard-shell Baptists do have a low threshold for perceiving naughtiness.

As a fashion concern, if someone wears 'Fuck Me' shoes, what is the proper lingerie to wear with them, and what forms of color coordination are necessary? Intuitively, it does not seem a good fit to wear boy shorts or granny panties while wearing 'Fuck Me' shoes; but may bikini panties suffice or should the wearer stick to thongs or go au naturel?

Do 'Fuck Me' shoes really have that effect on guys' perceptions? Perhaps guys can fill us in on this. Also, if in the Hegelian scheme 'Fuck Me' shoes are the thesis, might someone come out with 'Not Tonight, Honey' shoes as the antithesis? We might be seeing the origins of a philosophical basis for 'Fuck Me' shoes.


  1. I have a pair of shoes that meet that description, and find them unsuitable for wearing if I expect to do any significant walking. Six-inch heels are mighty precarious!

    Here's a depressing thought: could some asshat lawyer try to defend a rapist on the basis of the victim's footwear? After all, some unscrupulous attorneys pull that saw that she was partly responsible for getting raped because she dressed provocatively!

    Or, in the other direction, would some overeager Human Resources people go after an employee for unprofessional behavior or even sexual harassment because she wore 'fuck me" shoes?

  2. Awww! Fuck me shoes are worn simply because they're festive! We don't need to go Full Puritan on them!

  3. I think that Fuck Me shoes look fine on a woman. I like the swing in her backyard that goes with them.

  4. Oh, Heidi...I doubt that many men are looking low enough to notice whether you're wearing Crocs or f**k me shoes. My wife dances in 3.5-inch heels, which are more than high enough for anything, and I like her barefoot, anyway.

  5. We're prudish here -- they're called bitch shoes locally.

  6. I like the popular name these shoes received!