Thursday, December 27, 2012

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Stereotype Map

How about an adorable little map lampooning various stereotypes of the states or regions?  Enjoy!

Saturday, December 15, 2012

More on Cal's Logo

Apparently there was such a level of protest regarding the University of California's logo that they dropped the idea entirely.

Sometimes originality is not a good thing.

Wail!

I want to go back home.  I'm tired of work; I'm tired of school.  I want to have some Tennessee under my shoes.  I want back in Franklin, or Knoxville, even.

Waaaaaa!!!!

Maybe I need to get laid.....

Maybe I need to regroup and think of things.

Anyway, sorry for my being a pill with the blog lately.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Cal's Logo Change

For some reason, maybe because the State of California is rolling in dough and needs to spend it on trivial things, the University of California recently changed its logo.

You can go to this link and form your own opinion by comparing it to the original one.

Personally, I think it could just as easily serve as a logo for a brand of suppositories.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Worst States; the Most Annoying States

I suppose it's an easy way to fill up some space by magazines or internet sites: to compose a list of the worst states or the most annoying states.

http://gawker.com/5831724/the-worst-50-states-in-america

The authors, and people they consulted found New York and Massachuetts to be the least worst states.  Did their being based in New York have anything to do with it?

http://gawker.com/5834800/the-worst-50-states-in-america-the-final-five

According to Gawker, the worst states were Arizona, Alabama, New Jersey, Utah, and Mississippi.

As for the most annoying state, Spy Magazine several years ago reported that Texas was the most annoying state.  Florida came in second, New York tenth, and New Jersey was slighted by being named the least annoying of all states.  Sorry, I can't give you any rankings of the other 46 -- you'll have to find an old Spy magazine, a tall order in most places, in my opinion.  Maybe that information, if known, would have weighed against a state's ranking in the Spy article.

http://www.texnews.com/news/spymag19.html

Does this have anything to do with the recent rash of secessions?  It might.  There probably is widespread sentiment that the Union is pretty okay; but many people would not mind voting a few states out of it, fobbing one or two off on unsuspecting other countries, or hoping for the earthquake to top all others.  This feeling probably played a part in at least some of the petitions.  For example, it's hard to understand why New Jersey would want to secede; but a number might be tempted by watching Jersey Shore to vote to have New Jersey secede!  And take Donald Trump with it!

Friday, November 30, 2012

Most Annoying Songs of All Time

According to Rolling Stone:

1. Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps"
2. Los Del Rio, "Macarena"
3. Baha Men, "Who Let The Dogs Out"
4. Celine Dion, "My Heart Will Go On"
5. Nickelback, "Photograph"
6. Lou Bega, "Mambo No. 5"
7. James Blunt, "You're Beautiful"
8. Spice Girls, "Wannabe"
9. Sisqo, "The Thong Song"
10. Cher, "Believe"
11. Aqua, "Barbie Girl"
12. Chumbawumba, "Tub Thumper"
13. Rednex, "Cotton-Eyed Joe"
14. Eiffel 65, "Blue"
15. Crash Test Dummies, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
16. Meatloaf
, "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)"
17. 'NSYNC, "Bye, Bye, Bye"
18. Ricky Martin, "Livin' La Vida Loca"
19. Semisonic, "Closing Time"
20. Wham!, "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"


Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/blogs/staff-blog/the-20-most-annoying-songs-20070702#ixzz2DXiLpq3l
Follow us: @rollingstone on Twitter | RollingStone on Facebook

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The United States, In Order of Their Contributions To American Music

I found this interesting list, without the methodology used being specified.  Therefore, regard it at your own risk:


http://www.theawl.com/2012/10/the-united-states-in-order-of-their-contribution-to-american-music?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+TheAwl+(The+Awl)

50. Vermont
49. Colorado
48. Alaska
47. Connecticut
46. South Dakota
45. North Dakota
44. Utah
43. Maine
42. Wyoming
41. Iowa
40. Wisconsin
39. Rhode Island
38. New Mexico
37. Idaho
36. Delaware
35. Montana
34. New Hampshire
33. West Virginia
32. Nebraska
31. Nevada
30. Arizona
29. Hawaii
28. South Carolina
27. Oklahoma
26. Maryland
25. Kansas
24. Arkansas
23. Oregon
22. North Carolina
21. Indiana
20. Pennsylvania
19. Massachusetts
18. Kentucky
17. Florida
16. Virginia
15. Washington
14. Missouri
13. Illinois
12. Ohio
11. Alabama
10. Texas
9. New Jersey
8. California
7. Michigan
6. Tennessee
5. New York
4. Georgia
3. Louisiana
2. Mississippi
1. Minnesota

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Woman's and Man's Poems

A WOMAN’S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.




A MAN’S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t care.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Fellow Bloggers . . . . Favorite Posts

Some of you have been blogging for a while, longer than I have.

Looking back over your posts, which one are you most proud of?  Why don't you post a link to your most favorite post?

In my own case it was this one:

http://transplantedtennesseean.blogspot.com/2010/06/girls-who-wont-fable.html

This one received the most votes:

http://transplantedtennesseean.blogspot.com/2010/08/devushka-style.html



http://transplantedtennesseean.blogspot.com/2010/08/devushka-style.html





Friday, October 19, 2012

The Evidence for Evolution

This can also be taken as evidence in support of the Whig Theory of History.

 
 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

News from Port St. Lucie



A dastardly defecating desperado may have targeted a woman's home in Port St. Lucie, depositing piles of poop in and around the pool.

Police on Sept. 21 documented the first caca caper at the Southeast Jason Avenue residence, according to recently released records.

The homeowner said she arrived about 6 p.m. and found someone sliced a hole in her screen door leading to the pool. Nothing had been stolen from the patio area, but "someone had dumped feces into her pool," a report states.
"I observed this feces sitting in the pool and it did not appear to be caused by an animal, but by a human," the report states.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Wisconsin School and Federal Court Are Anti-Breasts

Here's a little news from a Blue State where people wear cheese hats:

About a year ago  students at Sauk Prairie Middle School wore “I ♥ Boobies! (Keep A Breast)” bracelets from the Keep a Breast Foundation to school for months before the district banned them.  One of them sued with the assistance of the ACLU for the bracelets to be reinstated.

However, a federal district court judge has denied a request by the ACLU of Wisconsin to end a ban on “I ♥ Boobies! (Keep A Breast)” bracelets at the Sauk Prairie Middle School. Furthermore, the court declared the Keep A Breast foundation's slogan as a "vulgar and sexually provocative statement."

The ACLU argued in response that "Our middle school client is dedicated to effectively and constructively educating her peers about breast cancer. It is disappointing that this decision will leave in place a ban on student speech that conveys our plaintiff’s belief that breast cancer is a critical women’s health issue of our time. The very purpose of the bracelets is to educate other young people about cancer prevention, testing, research and treatment."

There are some serious free speech, educational, and health issues here.  Nothing to titter about here.  What next?  Will the school and Federal Court ban bras as "breast-related paraphenalia"?  Will the local Hooters' have to close?  Will Robin Redbreast be banned from the trees of Sauk Prairie?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Attention Whore Slams Real Whores

Okay, I'm resurrecting an old story here, but it amused me when I discovered it last weekend. My bad, mea cooper, oops, Baby.

It seems that Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada) gave a speech in his home state asking for the outlawing of prostitution. 

"The time has come for us to outlaw prostitution,” Reid said in his biennial address to the Nevada legislature and an audience that included a legal brothel owner, legal prostitutes and the legal industry’s state lobbyist.
 
Reid paused at that point, one of the few times he did so in a half-hour speech he otherwise seemed to rush through. No one applauded.

The whorehouse owner in attendance, Dennis Hof of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, told reporters on the scene: “Harry Reid will have to pry the cathouse keys from my cold, dead hands."

In Nevada, the regulation of prostitution is considered a local issue, and no legislation was offered to outlaw brothels.


Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0211/50020.html#ixzz28c22QOU8


 What a place!  Legal prostitutes, legal brothels, and lobbyists to go with them.  And hanging out at the Nevade legislature.  Makes the Tennessee General Assembly seem tame by comparison.  But was Harry Reid just going through the motions, or did he completely misread poltical sentiments within the state legislature?

Or was it that the legislators understood the concept of 'birds of a feather flock together'?



Friday, October 5, 2012

A Competitive Sport at You Tee

Butt Chugging. Can any of the other 13 SEC universities claim that distinction?

What about A & M or MSU?  Maybe UGA.

Anyway, Knoxville Press-Sentinel humorist Sam Venable had some fun with it.  Here's a link to his column, puns and all. He cracked me up!  As Sam put it, they need to get to the bottom of it:

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/oct/04/sam-venable-it-has-to-be-either-fish-or-fowl/



Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Funny Wedding Cake Toppers

The typical bride and groom cake toppers for wedding cakes feature romantic, enraptured couples.  It's relieving when they have a wedding cake with a sense of humor.  However, it should be the bride and groom that makes the decision, not the maid of honor or the mother of the bride.
 
I don't know what to make of the tossing of the garter custom.  It seems so tacky in some ways.  Why not toss the bride's Wonderbra?
 
 
 
A nice friendly squeeze,
or a preview of coming attractions?
 
This will probably not end well.
At least they won't need to divorce.
A little waist proximity there
(humping)
God knows

A sailor went into port once too often.
Romantic kiss
Gay guys.
 
Scottish right.
Love story.
I married the sheriff.
Fishing for a guy.
Someone should do research to see if having humorous components in a wedding ceremony makes for an increased risk of the marriage ultimately ending in divorce.
 
Who knows?  Maybe those married by Elvises in Las Vegas wedding chapels are more likely to stay together. 
 

Friday, September 28, 2012

The New "Blind Tiger" or "Speakeasy"?

Mayor Bloomberg of New York City recently pushed a ban on large-sized beverages, whether called "pop" or "soda" or "cola."  This has been met, predictably enough, by opposition from beverage companies.  Besides being an infringement on individual liberties, will this encourage flouting of the law in The City That Never Sleeps?  (Or is it The City THat Never Showers?) 

I can imagine NYC having some convenience stores serving as blind tigers for oversized beverages.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Stupidity in Groups

It's very clear, based on peoples' behavior in riots and political parties that there's a multiplier effect of acting stupid that comes from being in a group.  To put it in another way, the larger the group, the greater the likelihood of Olympic-class stupid behavior.

Last weekend members of a fraternity at the University of Tennessee had a boozy party; and several of the worthies had overindulged by giving themselves alcohol enemas!  You read that right: booze in the tush.  It's called "butt chugging."  But here's the story from the Knoxville paper:

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/sep/25/dad-disputes-erroneous-information-released-by/

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/sep/26/alleged-alcohol-abuse-at-ut-fraternity-chapter/

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/sep/27/sam-venable-picture-this-drivings-ok-voting-isnt/



This sort of makes the sorority episode seem small by comparison:

http://transplantedtennesseean.blogspot.com/2012/09/proud-of-their-bras.html











Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A New Order of Nuns?

Here's a cover of an old paperback book, veritably reeking with sordidness.  I can only guess as to its content.

Someone should do an academic study of the art of the sleazy paperback.  I don't know if it would sell, but maybe it could parleyed into a master's thesis! 


Friday, September 21, 2012

The Americans With No Abilities Act

This satire first appeared in The Onion.

Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act ( AWNAA ) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for thrmselves in society, said California Senator Barbara
Feinstein, 'We can no longer stand by and allow voters of such Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant favors, raises, or promotions to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing or succeed in their work assignments. We are going to legalize protection for a lesser class of American voters.'


In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U. S. Postal Service, which has a long-, standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U. S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%). Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72
%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).


Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million middle man positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?

As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them, said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. This new law should be real good for people like me, Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

South Dakota School of Mines and Technology

Those leaving the South Dakota School of Mines and Technology, a college of 2,300 students in Rapid City, SD this year got paid a median salary of $56,700, according to PayScale Inc., which tracks employee compensation data from surveys.  At Harvard, where tuition and fees are almost four times higher, they got $54,100 as an average salary. 

Veritas, anyone?





http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-09-17/harvard-losing-out-to-south-dakota-in-graduate-pay-commodities.html

Sunday, September 16, 2012

A Comment on the Scale of Government

I'll have to admit that I prefer smaller scale units of government, especially the city or the county kind, as they seem more life scale, rather than the Federal government.  Obviously, this is not a bias shared by people of the liberal persuasion, who see their Government in an activist role to make things better.  I see them often as busybodies from some other place that comes in like modern-day carpetbaggers bringing light and required harmony to those errant Tennesseeans (and now Montanans, since I'm here).

Yeah, I know that somethings have to be done by the Federal government.  Like defense, and interstate highways, and National Parks, for example.

(Incidentally, what gets capitalized, state, federal, county?  Obviously, state and county get capitalized when the writer is referring to a specific entity, like the State of Tennessee, or Williamson County; but since there's only one federal government, it somehow rates a capital "F."  Oh, F!)

I know we have some clowns in the Tennessee legislature like those I mentioned, Campfield, Hurley, Armstrong; but they're usually more amusing than scary.  But the ass clown likes of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi making decisions regarding my life gives me the runs!

Part of it comes when we visit our courthouse: it's kind of quaint, fun, inefficient, and you feel charmed and think that these people are trying their best, they mean well and they're harmless.  Even the sheriff's deputies tend to be "Aw shucks, Ma'am" kinds of guys and let you off with a warning if you act contrite.  If you want to get out of jury duty, someone will listen to you and cut you some slack.  Assessors wield a light hand.

That's what it is.  Locals cut each other slack.  As long as you're friendly, and don't cause no hassle.  There's a lot of bending of the rules.  Or they're not sure of what the rules are. 

Those people in Washington worry me.  It seems so efficient, distant, and powerful.  And they act like an occupying force.  Whereas the state and the county seem like small domestic animals, the Federal government is a superlarge-sized carnivore.  And they collect taxes, and make a lot of laws I'm not sure of.  Maybe because it's the fact of certain states seeming to have disproportionate input.

And why has the Federal government moved into areas reserved for the states?  Because it can.  Because a lot of people let them. 

In short, the little county courthouses are where many of us feel that we have accessible, not dominating, government.

I realize that other people see it differently; but big government daunts me just like big corporations do.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Holy Grail of Bikini Photos

It's an obvious fact that guys like bikini pix: just look around the internet.

But among the more discriminating, there a longing for the artistic, the really true, the beautiful, to document a famous person in a vunerable moment: not dressed in her usual way, but in a bikini.

Emily Dickinson, possibly the best American poet ever, has very few photographs of her available.  One is illustrated below.  Recently, Dickinson scholars were heartened by the recent discovery of a portrait of her, this one in a pose with a friend.  Two thirtyish ladies side by side.

http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Scholars-may-have-2nd-photo-of-poet-Dickinson-3847369.php

However, now young American literature scholars are rummaging the attics of old homes in Amherst, Massachuetts because of a recent rumor that Dr. Keith Fullerton, noted Dickinsonian scholar, found a cryptic note in a letter, "My friend Emily D. and I visited Mister Parker, photographer the other day and he persuaded us to do several poses in the two-piece swimming dress that were of our own fabrication.  I'm glad the tintype does not show our maidenly blushing to be in such a state of undress before a man; much less one whom we are not married to."

It ended with a cryptic, Dickinson-like verse:

A tiny swim dress makes Divinest sense
To a discerning eye --
But to wear it openly--
The starkest madness

This rumor elevated the brain of Delbert Philodene, aspiring but largely unsuccessful graduate student, to new efforts.  (Simply put, he was a dumbass.)  Although he was attempting to find research material in an admittedly overstudied area of Am Lit, he still longed for an explosive new insight.  Reading about this rumored excerpt from the letter raised his motivation to a fever pitch.

After all,  if he found that photograph, and it was indeed an actual one of the Belle of Amherst, that would be the Holy Grail of the Bikini Photos!  Think of what Playboy would pay to run it first!  And consider how it could result in a national reputation as a literature scholar for the finder.  Delbert imagined the variety of books he could write on the subect of the Real Emily Dickinson Revealed, and a full professorship in literature at a major East Coast university at an early age, say 30 or so. 

Delbert made a note to himself:  Sign up for speech lessons to lose his Midwestern accent.   And read How to Increase Your Vocabulary and Sound More Erudite.  It doesn't hurt of start now.  After all, there are the interviews for morning television.




Much madness makes divinest sense,
To a discerning eye;
Much sense,
The starkest madness.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Proud of Their Bras

 
What can be more appealing than a group of sorority girls showing their newly-purchased finery and style for the camera?  Doesn't this make you long for that innocent days of being a college freshman and attending those sorority rush parties in the early fall?
 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Strange French Laws

Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of music played a radio station must be by French artists.

It is illegal to die unless a cemetary plot has first been bought.

It is illegal to kiss on railways. 

It is illegal to shoot Englishmen as they cross the English Channel towards France - unless they are sailing in a 'boat of war'.

It is illegal for a woman to wear pants in France.

No pig may be called Napoleon.

In Paris, any man carrying onions must be given right of way in the streets.

In Paris, criminals can apply for sanctuary in Notre Dame Cathedral and must be 'fed and watered' for up to six weeks.
Does this right of sanctuary also apply to the University of Notre Dame?

---------------------------------------------------------------------
An amazing/amusing quote:

"I wrote Lace in the days when most men thought the clitoris was a Greek hotel."
          ---Shirley Conran

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Baby in Excelsis

Who among us was not stirred by Baby's coming out from behind the post in that movie "Dirty Dancing"?

"I just had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you."

A truly satisfying romantic ending to a movie.



Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Huludao City, China Sets Bikini Record

Huludao City, China recently set a record for the most bikini wearers and will appear in the Guinness Book of World Records.

A total of 3,090 Bikini models showed up at Longwan beach, Huludao city, on Wednesday morning. As the largest Bikini show, the event has created a new Guinness world record. All the models are local residents in Huludao, including professional models, anchors, students, officers, volunteers from communities and Bikini fans, who all wore local-made Bikinis.

Recently, Ocean City, MD attempted to best them, but failed abysmally: only 325 bikini-wearers showed up for the occasion.

Here are some of the 3,090 participants in this feat:

 




 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Murvul

 
By HAYLEY HARMON
6 News Anchor/Reporter

MARYVILLE (WATE) - Here's a question that always seems to get East Tennesseans talking and seems to mystify folks who "aren't from around here."
 
How do you say the name of the Blount County seat?  It's spelled Maryville, but is it pronounced Mary-ville, Mare-a-vul, Murval, or something in between?
 
If you watched ESPN2's coverage of the rivalry football game between Maryville High School and Alcoa High School, you heard a lot of Mary-ville.
 
Residents weren't happy to hear their city's name pronounced that way. "Maybe he should have done his research and figured out how it should have been said," Rachel Wilson said.During the entire game, the ESPN announcer kept saying it with the emphasis on Mary.Locals say sure it's got Mary in it, but you sure don't say it that way.
 
"That's just the way we say it in Mare-a-vul.  Not Mary-ville as most folks say it who've come here from other places," said David Pesterfield, a life-long resident.
 
Maryville Mayor Tom Taylor agrees. "It's pronounced Maryville.  You leave out the Y," he said.
 
But Maryville residents say there's another very similar, acceptable version.  "There is Murval.  That came out of Maryville College," Pesterfield said.
 
That variation has gotten a lot of support lately, with shops selling shirts and hats with "Murval" printed on them in an effort to help visitors learn to say the name.

To many residents, there's no greater sin than throwing a Mary in there. "You're likely to say Mary-ville and everybody laughs. It's a source of great entertainment," Mayor Taylor said.

6 News talked to Maryville College English professor Dr. Sam Overstreet about how these versions came to be.

"There's a long standing rule in most languages of the world that over time, that in most unstressed syllables, most vowel sounds will tend toward the sound 'uh.'  In Maryville, the stress is on the first syllable, then the other two vowel sounds, mare-uh-vul, tend toward uh.  So that's why we say Mare-a-vul," Overstreet explained.

No matter how you decide to say it, the city was named after Mary Grainger Blount.  Blount County got its name from her husband, Gov. William Blount.

From WATE.Com

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Trail Boss's Dilemma and How It Was Solved

During the 4th of July parade in a small western town a group of cowboys was bringing its herd of cows to the cattle lot on the other side of the hamlet. Unfortunately, to get there they had to cross Main Street, where the high school band was just starting its performance.

The Parade Marshal ran up to stop them from crossing the street. “You can’t drive those cows through our orchestra!” he cried.

The oldest cowboy leaned back and said, “Whalll… what would it be worth to you to let us go through?”

The Marshal thought for a moment. “It would have to be pretty good, something extra special.”

The cowpoke reached into his saddlebag and handed the Marshal a small packet. “Lissen. In here is a bunch of marijuana suppositories. Getcha high as a kite an’ no one will know. Is it a deal?” The Marshal nodded, ordered the band to stop and let the cows across the thoroughfare.

Proving that a herd in the band is worth boo in the tush.


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Karezza, Or Sex Granola-Style


Karezza is, basically engaging in sex without finishing; that is, no orgasm.  It was originally proposed as a primitive form of birth control, but has also been cast as a way for couples having lost marital closeness getting back together.  Basically, it's a prolonged sex session, but with the guy pulling out without comeing.

Among the things to do in karezza, according to some instructions, is:

1)  Smiling, with eye contact
2)  Gazing into each others eyes for several moments
3)  Synchronised breathing
4)  Cradling, or gently rocking, your partner’s head and torso
5)  Holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour
6)  Holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour
7)  Wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
8)  Stroking, hugging and massaging with intent to comfort, rather than gain something
9)  Lying with your ear over your partner’s heart and listening to his or her heartbeat for several moments
10)  Touching and sucking of nipples/breasts
11)  Gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort
12)  Making time together at bedtime a priority, even if one partner has to get up and work on something afterward

I'm not sure that this is a good idea.  It sounds like a strange form of kinkiness that probably crept out of California!


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Body of an American -- Traditional Irish Song

Some of the Irish songs don't translate well over on our side of the pond.  They're too mawkishly sentimental, dreary, and lyrics to drink your Jamieson's to.

Here's one that isn't; a song by the Pogues entitled "Body of an American," played with traditional Irish instruments.  Though it's done by a punk band, they followed the old rules!

Erin Go Bragh!


This song was used in The Wire at McNulty's Irish wake.  It was an inspired moment in this fine program:






Friday, August 10, 2012

Calvin and Hobbes

It's true.  Apparently Bill Watterson's beloved characters Calvin and Hobbes were named after Swiss theologian John Calvin and English empirical and political philosopher Thomas Hobbes.  Neither one would have had any use for each other, in my opinion.

This was one of the great strips of all time.  It brightened my childhood.  However, I was too young to get the subtleties at the time, but I liked it.  It's worth a revisiting nowadays.

Watterson never drew, or licensed, the crude drawings of a Calvin-like bad boy peeing on some disfavored symbol, often one of a type of car.  Those, in my opinion, are so tacky!





Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Women's Christian Temperance Union

They're still around; and meeting this week in Omaha, Nebraska.  Close the bars early, guys!  And here's a tip from the W.C.T.U. girls:





Don't say that you weren't warned.  And some images of temperance to astound you:






Can the Wobblies and the Fenian Brotherhood also be around? 

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Let Us Now Praise Famous Body Parts

A clip from the movie, "The Sweetest Thing," honoring a famous appendage?  I don't mind if I do.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Grizzly Quarterback Charged with Rape

Montana quarterback Jordan Johnson was charged with unlawful sexual intercourse today.  He was promptly suspended. 

Maybe that's how things like this ought to be handled.  It's sad for the victim that it happened, and I hope she gets her chance.

http://missoulian.com/news/local/grizzly-qb-jordan-johnson-charged-with-rape/article_a592856c-db62-11e1-96b4-0019bb2963f4.html

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Meaning What We Pay Lip Service to in Tolerance

I'm not sure why it should be the case, but there's a disconnect between the truism that people are different, and everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and how people act in a number of situations.

Let me use three examples from back home: the Muslim mosque in Murfreesboro, the ado over the finding that one department head in Gov. Halsam's administration is a Muslim, and redistricting of the Tennessee General Assembly.

We pay lip service to the amendment of the Constitution regarding freedom of religion; so why was it so difficult and dragged out for Muslims to be able to build and open their mosque  in M-boro?  Seriously, would the Baptists or the Methodists have those kind of impediments?  Or even the adherents to the Jon Frum religion or followers of Zeus?

Likewise, the mossback East Tennessee politicians are acting totally shocked that their Governor, a Republican also, would have a Muslim in his cabinet!  Oh dear . . . . this is not how this Freedom of Religion thing should be played out!

Redistricting is mandated by the state constitution.  But the Democrats are complaining that they're being screwed in the process.  From what I read, thay sounds like it might be true.  Now both parties play that game when they can, but that doesn't make it right.

A modest proposal:  Let us all try to butt into each others' lives and our visions of pursuing happiness as little as possible.  try to avoid offense, if possible.  Here's a few examples:

1.  Dial down on the language used to refer to people who believe different from oneself.  Don't call them morons, or douchebags, of the like.

2.  Don't take every opportunity to flaunt your religion in public settings.  If you do an invocation prayer, make it as general and nonsecterian as possible.  So, no endings like "In Jesus Christ's name we pray."  That cuts out the Jews and Muslims.

3.  Play radios and music systems at a moderate, nonintrusive level.  Maybe people don't want to hear football songs or John Philip Sousa music at 140 dB.

4.  Wear a nonprovocative swimsuit in places that are frequented by people who are offended by what they consider unseemly display.

5.  Don't drive like you're the only person on the road.

6.  Conduct demonstrations for or against a cause in a respectful manner.

7.  Whenever you have  to play fetch with your dog.thought, "But I have a right," thing also about the rights of others and how your exercise of your rights affects them.

8.  Smile, and speak softly.  Leave the big stick at home.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Religion in Crossville, Tennessee

Tennessee is a very religious state, mostly of the Southern Baptist kind.  And it's not surprising that Evangelical Christians would like symbols of their faith in public places, like courthouse lawns.  And  Crossville, Tennessee went in for that.  However, the rule allowed any religion to have a monument there, if requested.

Thus the Flying Spaghetti Monster made the courthouse lawn in Crossville.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Ten Colleges with the Hottest Guys

Her Campus, an online community for college women has announced some non-traditional college rankings, including the category of ten universities with the hottest men.  No, the University of Montana did not make the list.

Anyway, here's the official list from Her Campus with my annotations]:

1.  Wake Forest University:  One student describes it as “the smallest school with the highest model population.”  [They're Baptists]

2.  The University of Virginia: Super fit Southern gentlemen. Need I say more?  [They like their alcohol]

3.  The University of Wisconsin: A diverse student body full of men who are “passionate and enjoy opening new doors in their school’s community”? I’m sold.  [They wear cheese hats at the slightest provocation]

4.  James Madison University: The guys here aren’t just hot, they’re super happy and nice.

5.  Boston College: Evidently the guys here looked like they just walked out of a J. Crew ad. In related news, I want to move to Boston immediately.  [Living in Boston costs mucho dinero, and it's cold.]

6.  The University of California at Santa Barbara: Surf’s up in “Santa Babe-ra”.   [A lot of surfer girls are there, too.]

7.  Colby College: Looking for the “preppy outdoorsy type”? Head to Colby.  [It's in Maine]

8.  Yale University: Yale still has a 50% male population at a time when more women are taking over college campus. Plus, their dudes are brainy and beautiful.  [You have to be supersmart or well-connected to get it.]

9.  Georgetown University: Nerd alert, nerd alert! One senior says they’ve got “the sexiest nerds around.”  [It's Catholic, and it's in D.C. ]

10.  Duke University: Is a guy with “blond flow, preppy button-ups and mid-calfs with Sperrys” your dream dude? Then Duke is the college for you, even it did get ranked the second “douchiest” by GQ.  [Preppy to the max.]


Read More http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/07/the-10-colleges-with-the-hotte.html#ixzz21MRq9278

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Where the Large Richards Are

Strictly for academic interest, this world map is provided to indicate which countries have the largest average penis size:

Green:  Largest
Light Green:  Next Largest
Yellow:  Middle
Cream:  Smallish
Red:  Smallest

In my limited experience, I am not convinced that having sex with a guy with a larger penis size results in more satisfaction for the woman he is having sex with.  However, in the language of statistics, my sample size is small (!) but enjoyed nevertheless.  For guys anxious about this, learn to be adept at foreplay, especially faire minette.

As a nonsequitur, in some parts of New Mexico, the slang word for the male thingy is "chile," after the pepper.  Once a senorita commented to a cowboy that the temperature was pretty chilly.


He respoded, "Gracias. senorita."

Monday, July 16, 2012

Do You Know Where Your Governor Is?

The case of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford who went missing a few years ago naturally prompted diligent investigative reporters to look into the state of the Governers of the States. 

Oh yes! Various governers' offices and homes were called by story-hungry action news reporters craving a story, preferably a delicious one, with a mandatory trifecta of alcohol, financial irregularities, and loose women on the side. After all, in our thirst for novelty and scandal which has become finer-toned over time, commonplace irregularities might not be anough even to make page 4 of the second section, or a brief mention before the weather and the sports. 

One such reporter, Tillie Thompson, called the offices of several state governers, and got the following:

"The Governer is playing Galaxy Ranger; and he's up to Level VI. If I were to interrupt him, he would not be a happy camper."

"The Governer is out of the room. It's important? Okay, I'll transfer him to his alternative phone." Governor So-and-so speaking . . . ." [Sound of flushing]

"Are you his mistress? I wish he would go out at his age and get a nice girlfriend."

"The Governer is taking the Executive Trash out to the street." "Oh, I wasn't aware that he was meeting with the Attorney General."

"It's 4:20. You don't have to ask what the Governer is doing."

"He's watching "Dancing With the Stars."

"The Governer is in the happy place."

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Be Corrupt Properly

Be corrupt properly!


Re: ''The Godfather tradition lives on'' (Sunday Forum, June 17).

Bravo to Khun Voranai Vanijaka for his very insightful piece. He is right on target with what is happening to democracy in Thailand and why it will never work.

I have often thought that the national anthem should be changed to Speak Softly Love. But of course it could also apply to most other countries around the world.

Whether you're talking about the police force, armed forces, local or national politics, the Black Hand is always lurking. But unlike the polls Khun Voranai cited where the majority of Thais don't mind corruption if they too can benefit from it, I don't mind corruption if services are at least done properly.

I don't mind paying a bit more to feed the system, but at least do the job right! Show a little more pride in your corruption!

MCS


--------------------From the Bangkok Press