Monday, July 16, 2012

Do You Know Where Your Governor Is?

The case of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford who went missing a few years ago naturally prompted diligent investigative reporters to look into the state of the Governers of the States. 

Oh yes! Various governers' offices and homes were called by story-hungry action news reporters craving a story, preferably a delicious one, with a mandatory trifecta of alcohol, financial irregularities, and loose women on the side. After all, in our thirst for novelty and scandal which has become finer-toned over time, commonplace irregularities might not be anough even to make page 4 of the second section, or a brief mention before the weather and the sports. 

One such reporter, Tillie Thompson, called the offices of several state governers, and got the following:

"The Governer is playing Galaxy Ranger; and he's up to Level VI. If I were to interrupt him, he would not be a happy camper."

"The Governer is out of the room. It's important? Okay, I'll transfer him to his alternative phone." Governor So-and-so speaking . . . ." [Sound of flushing]

"Are you his mistress? I wish he would go out at his age and get a nice girlfriend."

"The Governer is taking the Executive Trash out to the street." "Oh, I wasn't aware that he was meeting with the Attorney General."

"It's 4:20. You don't have to ask what the Governer is doing."

"He's watching "Dancing With the Stars."

"The Governer is in the happy place."


  1. I don't want to know where my Governor is after hours.

  2. At the phone company the head guy had a phone right next to the throne.

  3. The governor can go anywhere he wants. He can cause less damage there than he can in his office.

  4. I don't need my governor to furnsh me with excuses for lewd thoughts, and I'm a lutefisk lesbian.