Thursday, September 26, 2013

Some Things That Scare Women

*Getting naked -- Most women enjoy a relatively narrow window of comfort for getting naked in front of someone else. It’s likely to be soon after our 19th birthday, perhaps between 7 and 8 pm on a Tuesday. That’s about it. The rest of the time, the thought of letting another human being—especially a male human being with amorous intentions—see us in the altogether can be extremely disconcerting. We’re painfully aware of our flaws (even the ones invisible to others), and usually prefer to keep them hidden by clothing or dimmed lights.

*Gravity -- As the saying goes, Rome fell and one day, Honey, so will you. After the age of 28 or childbirth, whichever comes first, nothing on a woman stays in its original location. Our eyelids, jowls, breasts, bellies, butts, and knees all start to sag in what can only be explained as a terrible design flaw. And since we can’t all pay to have our droopy parts relocated, the fear of gravity and its effects contributes heavily to the previously mentioned fear of getting naked, and to the next item on our list.

*The gift of lingerie --  Unless she happens to be within that previously mentioned narrow window of comfort for getting naked in front of another person, nearly every woman cringes at the thought of opening a gift from her man to find some lacy, transparent, completely impractical garment. Yes, we know it’s the thought that counts. Yes, we know in his own way he’s trying to be flattering. But good lord, does he really expect us to strap on that silly deal he found at Skanky Ho’s “R” Us? And does he think that when we do, we’ll look like the woman he saw in the Victoria’s Secret catalog or perform like the one he saw in a porn movie? Does he realize we’re going to feel like a right fool when our non-surgically-enhanced, non-airbrushed parts are flopping around with nothing to support them but a couple of pasties and a few , strategically placed lengths of floss? Now that’s scary!

*Bra or swimsuit shopping --  Nothing make a woman feel less secure about herself than stepping into a harshly lit dressing room with an armload of garments designed by sadists to make her feel lumpy and inadequate. She just knows it’s going to end badly.

*Late periods.  Unless they were left out of sentences.

*Meeting His Parents

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Montana Lieutenant Governor Likes Breasts

Recently, Lieutenant Governor John Walsh, a Democrat, made the news because Buzzfeed reported that he liked a Facebook page called "Breasts. Proof men can multitask2."  Walsh is a seeker of Max Baucus's Senate seat.  This "like" was quickly removed; described as an "unfortunate accident."

Somehow, although not a Democrat at all, I have no problem with this.  If he's a fan of boobies, it seems like a plus for him.  Maybe I should send him a picture of me in a bikini top!  A little BIE in the e-mail.  And maybe he would send a thank you note.  Girls like to be appreciated.

Read more:

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Sunday, September 8, 2013

What Should We Call Them?

A lady has bosoms, a bust or a breast,
Those beautiful swellings that bulge 'neath her vest.
They are towers of ivory, sheaves of new wheat,
In a moment of passion, ripe apples to eat.
You may speak of her nipples as fingers of fire,
With hardly a question of raising her ire.
But by Rabelais' beard, she will throw several fits,
If you speak of them, roundly, as good honest...

Okay, according to Oscar Brand, the using of the word 'tits' is a no-no.  Unless we're talking about a type of birds.

But is that true?  Over several nights in a watering hole, I asked ladies present their opinions on each of these terms.  Here's the results.  Be mindful that these are all young, unmarried women living in Montana and going to a university.  All had at least a drink in her:

Breasts           100%
Bosoms           100%
Boobies           80%
Boobs              70%
Tits                  40%
Hooters           20%
Fun Bags           0%

I don't know if this would apply countrywide, as my survey was small, and Montana might be a special case.

After all, we have a Teton River.  It's not big by Eastern standards, but we call it one.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Testy Festy

The annual Testy Festy is celebrated each year in late July to early August in Clinton, MT.  Here's an occasion for western fun and unhibitionness.  For the intrepid, they can try and be able to boast of having eaten a bull's cojones.  For the daring misses, there's a wet t-shirt contest, good times for all. 

There's four days of unhibited fun here:

Dawdling Wenches