Thursday, September 26, 2013

Some Things That Scare Women

*Getting naked -- Most women enjoy a relatively narrow window of comfort for getting naked in front of someone else. It’s likely to be soon after our 19th birthday, perhaps between 7 and 8 pm on a Tuesday. That’s about it. The rest of the time, the thought of letting another human being—especially a male human being with amorous intentions—see us in the altogether can be extremely disconcerting. We’re painfully aware of our flaws (even the ones invisible to others), and usually prefer to keep them hidden by clothing or dimmed lights.

*Gravity -- As the saying goes, Rome fell and one day, Honey, so will you. After the age of 28 or childbirth, whichever comes first, nothing on a woman stays in its original location. Our eyelids, jowls, breasts, bellies, butts, and knees all start to sag in what can only be explained as a terrible design flaw. And since we can’t all pay to have our droopy parts relocated, the fear of gravity and its effects contributes heavily to the previously mentioned fear of getting naked, and to the next item on our list.

*The gift of lingerie --  Unless she happens to be within that previously mentioned narrow window of comfort for getting naked in front of another person, nearly every woman cringes at the thought of opening a gift from her man to find some lacy, transparent, completely impractical garment. Yes, we know it’s the thought that counts. Yes, we know in his own way he’s trying to be flattering. But good lord, does he really expect us to strap on that silly deal he found at Skanky Ho’s “R” Us? And does he think that when we do, we’ll look like the woman he saw in the Victoria’s Secret catalog or perform like the one he saw in a porn movie? Does he realize we’re going to feel like a right fool when our non-surgically-enhanced, non-airbrushed parts are flopping around with nothing to support them but a couple of pasties and a few , strategically placed lengths of floss? Now that’s scary!

*Bra or swimsuit shopping --  Nothing make a woman feel less secure about herself than stepping into a harshly lit dressing room with an armload of garments designed by sadists to make her feel lumpy and inadequate. She just knows it’s going to end badly.

*Late periods.  Unless they were left out of sentences.

*Meeting His Parents


  1. I read an article not too long ago that said womens boobs will stay perkier if they never wear a bra. Hope this helps!

  2. "The gift of lingerie." I understand (having wasted good money many years ago buying such for my wife) that ladies don't really appreciate the gift or the implied compliment behind it. I would just add that most of us men don't like it when our ladies give us the gag gift of thong underwear that features an elephant head with a long trunk.

  3. I would do a flaw check and promise not to find any.

  4. Odd how women always find fault with themselves no matter how great they look and men think they look quite attractive no matter how fat and sagging they get.

  5. Wise man John. Good post H!