Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Woman's and Man's Poems


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.


I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t care.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Fellow Bloggers . . . . Favorite Posts

Some of you have been blogging for a while, longer than I have.

Looking back over your posts, which one are you most proud of?  Why don't you post a link to your most favorite post?

In my own case it was this one:

This one received the most votes:

Friday, October 19, 2012

The Evidence for Evolution

This can also be taken as evidence in support of the Whig Theory of History.


Thursday, October 18, 2012

News from Port St. Lucie

A dastardly defecating desperado may have targeted a woman's home in Port St. Lucie, depositing piles of poop in and around the pool.

Police on Sept. 21 documented the first caca caper at the Southeast Jason Avenue residence, according to recently released records.

The homeowner said she arrived about 6 p.m. and found someone sliced a hole in her screen door leading to the pool. Nothing had been stolen from the patio area, but "someone had dumped feces into her pool," a report states.
"I observed this feces sitting in the pool and it did not appear to be caused by an animal, but by a human," the report states.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Wisconsin School and Federal Court Are Anti-Breasts

Here's a little news from a Blue State where people wear cheese hats:

About a year ago  students at Sauk Prairie Middle School wore “I ♥ Boobies! (Keep A Breast)” bracelets from the Keep a Breast Foundation to school for months before the district banned them.  One of them sued with the assistance of the ACLU for the bracelets to be reinstated.

However, a federal district court judge has denied a request by the ACLU of Wisconsin to end a ban on “I ♥ Boobies! (Keep A Breast)” bracelets at the Sauk Prairie Middle School. Furthermore, the court declared the Keep A Breast foundation's slogan as a "vulgar and sexually provocative statement."

The ACLU argued in response that "Our middle school client is dedicated to effectively and constructively educating her peers about breast cancer. It is disappointing that this decision will leave in place a ban on student speech that conveys our plaintiff’s belief that breast cancer is a critical women’s health issue of our time. The very purpose of the bracelets is to educate other young people about cancer prevention, testing, research and treatment."

There are some serious free speech, educational, and health issues here.  Nothing to titter about here.  What next?  Will the school and Federal Court ban bras as "breast-related paraphenalia"?  Will the local Hooters' have to close?  Will Robin Redbreast be banned from the trees of Sauk Prairie?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Attention Whore Slams Real Whores

Okay, I'm resurrecting an old story here, but it amused me when I discovered it last weekend. My bad, mea cooper, oops, Baby.

It seems that Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada) gave a speech in his home state asking for the outlawing of prostitution. 

"The time has come for us to outlaw prostitution,” Reid said in his biennial address to the Nevada legislature and an audience that included a legal brothel owner, legal prostitutes and the legal industry’s state lobbyist.
Reid paused at that point, one of the few times he did so in a half-hour speech he otherwise seemed to rush through. No one applauded.

The whorehouse owner in attendance, Dennis Hof of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, told reporters on the scene: “Harry Reid will have to pry the cathouse keys from my cold, dead hands."

In Nevada, the regulation of prostitution is considered a local issue, and no legislation was offered to outlaw brothels.

Read more:

 What a place!  Legal prostitutes, legal brothels, and lobbyists to go with them.  And hanging out at the Nevade legislature.  Makes the Tennessee General Assembly seem tame by comparison.  But was Harry Reid just going through the motions, or did he completely misread poltical sentiments within the state legislature?

Or was it that the legislators understood the concept of 'birds of a feather flock together'?

Friday, October 5, 2012

A Competitive Sport at You Tee

Butt Chugging. Can any of the other 13 SEC universities claim that distinction?

What about A & M or MSU?  Maybe UGA.

Anyway, Knoxville Press-Sentinel humorist Sam Venable had some fun with it.  Here's a link to his column, puns and all. He cracked me up!  As Sam put it, they need to get to the bottom of it:

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Funny Wedding Cake Toppers

The typical bride and groom cake toppers for wedding cakes feature romantic, enraptured couples.  It's relieving when they have a wedding cake with a sense of humor.  However, it should be the bride and groom that makes the decision, not the maid of honor or the mother of the bride.
I don't know what to make of the tossing of the garter custom.  It seems so tacky in some ways.  Why not toss the bride's Wonderbra?
A nice friendly squeeze,
or a preview of coming attractions?
This will probably not end well.
At least they won't need to divorce.
A little waist proximity there
God knows

A sailor went into port once too often.
Romantic kiss
Gay guys.
Scottish right.
Love story.
I married the sheriff.
Fishing for a guy.
Someone should do research to see if having humorous components in a wedding ceremony makes for an increased risk of the marriage ultimately ending in divorce.
Who knows?  Maybe those married by Elvises in Las Vegas wedding chapels are more likely to stay together.