Dog Lover's Swimsuit

Hanging the Elephant

You read it right: They hanged an elephant. It happened in Erwin, Tennessee on Spetember 12th, 1916.

On that day, the Sparks Brothers circus came to Kingsport, TN with a five-ton elephant named Mary. An inexperienced handler worked with her, prodding her with a bull hook and royally annoying said elephant. The elephant, in a temper, threw the pesky handler against a drink stand and stomped that sucker flat!

This caused a mob to get worked up, and called for the elephant's blood! A blacksmth tried to shoot her, but her hide was too thick. Finally, the Sheriff "arrested" her, and staked her by the jail.

The circus owners tried to guarantee that the elephant was not dangerous, but hot heads prevailed and they used a railroad crane to hoist up the elephant. She was hung . . . . or hanged . . . . in the Clinchfield Railroad yard. Afterwards, Mary was buried by the railroad tracks.

It's said that when you do something really stupid or tacky, people will remember like elephants. This clearly was the case with Erwin, Tennessee: the place where they hanged the elephant. However, Kingsport got off scot-free, reputation-wise.

The Problem of Peeing in Knoxville

Apparently it's more difficult to pee in Knoxville now:

http://www.notsville.com/

"I remember when downtown Knoxville was a ghost town and you could pee right on the sidewalk without anyone even noticing," said Alan Brado. "Sundown in the City changed that. Pretty soon people were coming from all over town to pee in the alleys here on weekday nights. The beer helped with that. Oh, and the music was great, too. "

The Glorious Flora-Bama

One of the legendary places on the Gulf Coast is the Flora-Bama Lounge, located on the border between Florida and Alabama. Ths place has been around since 1964; and became a legend over time, with professional athletes and rock musicians among the many thousands who have drunk, sung, watched the shows, and in general wiled away the hours as Southerners know how to do it. It's a bunch of bars and oyster bars, and a generally rowdy place. This is on the wilder part of the gulf Coast, often styled the Redneck Riviera!

Every year there's the annual Mullet Toss, in which participants attempt to toss a dead fish from the mark in Florida across into Alabama। This year it's between April 27th and 30th.

And there's the Polar Bear Swim, each winter when the water is pretty brrrr! enough.

At other times of the year, try the coffee-flavored Bushwacker!

Jimmy Buffet recorded a song in honor of the Flora-Bama, "Bama Breeze." It had been destroyed by Hurricane Ivan, but made a comeback.

Wear your swimmers or bikini; there's no dress code. That sort of thing is left to the uptight dwellers of the North. The music is loud, suitable for dancing, singing along, or just doing your own thing.

The ceiling is decorated with bras cast off by girls who enjoyed the disinhibition that goes with this carefree setting. Who knows what will transpire on the Redneck Riviera!

The Flora-Bama can be reached either by going through Foley and Orange Beach, or from the east through Pensacola.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Going Commando

One of the pleasures of the summer while in the South is the wearing of a short skirt. And some of us more impetuous ones would tempt fate by "going commando"; that is, by not wearing panties. Tempting fate with the unpredictable March winds. Now I suppose this would, over time, lead to a most reduction in laundry, but not by very much.

Where did that expression come from? Did it have anything to do with the British Commandos? Those are the guys that wear kilts, right?

I decided to do a little research. Maybe I could even write a short guest column for the local newspaper, or submit an article to a journal; not in my field, I called uped up the Commandos.

After going through several layers of secretaries and enlisted guys, I wound up talking with the Colonel. His voice was the epitome of British charm and a delightful accent. I asked some preliminary questions, especially about the uniform and traditions of the Commandos. He was most courteous, and forthright. Apparently the Commandos had a distinguished tradition!

Finally, I got to the big guestion: Do Commandos go commando, and how did that custom come about. Instantly my Colonel (as I came to think about him) became a trifle guarded, and he said: "I'm sorry, Miss, but I can't disclose that. Doing so is forbidden by the Official secrets Act." Apparently I had intruded into a very sensitive area. My bad. But, in doing an internet search, I found some information, illustrated above.

Britney Spears Guide to Semiconductor Physics

Britney Spears, in addition to her skill as a dancer and as a singer, is also an expert on semiconductor physics. Go to this web site for some basic semiconductor phrsics lessons:

http://britneyspears.ac/lasers.htm

You Know You're from New Mexico if:

You buy green chili the bushel and red chili by the gallon.
You have a bottle of Holy Dirt in your night stand drawer.
A sign of good relationship is having hickies!
You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.
Your favorite restaurant has a chili list instead of a wine list.
You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.
Your Christmas decorations include a yard of sand and 200 paper bags.
Most restaurants you go to begin with 'El' or 'Los'.
You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco .
You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.
The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.
You price-shop for tortillas.
You have an extra freezer just for green chili
.You think a yellow light means to go faster and a red light is merely a suggestion.
You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.
You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.
You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.
You pass on the right because that's the fast lane.
You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.
You think you know how to drive in the rain or snow.
There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.
You know that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band.
You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business and shovels.
You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.
Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a gust of wind.
You have been on TV more than three times telling about how your neighbor was shot or about your alien abduction.
You can actually hear the Taos hum.
All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.
You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state and not in Nevada.
You iron your jeans to 'dress up'.
You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.
Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen.
You think the Lobos fight song is 'Louie, Louie'
You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.
You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque.
You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for international' shipping.
When you go out of state, people ask you if you have a green card.
You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud and straw.
You can order your Big Mac with green chili.
You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English.

You associate bridges with mud, not water.
You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot.
Tumbleweeds and various cactus in your yard are not weeds, they are your lawn.
If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.

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Tennessee Has a Really, Really Cool License Plate

This plate came out at about the time Bill Clinton was President, and he was a well-known saxophone player. I think this platew is funny, which is a real relief from the serious specialty license plates that seem to go with that genre.