Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Dressing for the Rapture

There are some people who believe in The Rapture. According to them, Scripture prophesizes that on that day the Chosen will be raptured into Heaven while the rest who are left behind will presumably be in major bad doo-doo and perhaps dependent on FEMA helping them. These believer folks work at living a life of rectitude and living according to the Bible so that their path to The Rapture will be greased.

It occurred to me that The Rapture is a definite fashion event. What is one to wear? Traveling clothes? Sportwear? Go-to-church clothes? Obviously dressing modestly is probably de rigeur, so maybe you better ditch the demi-bra and the bare midriff outfit designed to emphasize your navel piercing. Maybe you should also wear white just to be safe, despite the increased difficulty in cleaning white garments.

And a dress, certainly. But wait! The Rapture means we're being lifted up. So maybe not a miniskirt, especially when wearing a thong underneath! Uh, I'd wear gym shorts also just to be sure. You can never tell whether St. Peter is some exercise fiend and you have to do calesthenics upon arrival at Heaven.

Which major designer provides clothes for The Rapture? I shall go to American Eagle and the Gap web sites to see what they offer in Rapturewear. Maybe the Rapture is more Banana Republic territory. Or perhaps Abercrombie and Fitch. Naw. They did the naughty ads years ago. Perhaps Victoria's Secret includes their Rapturewear in their Pink department. Oh well, I'll get my rapture-ready bras there, at least.


  1. This is great tongue-in-cheek humor but I'll bet it will annoy some mossbacks.

  2. Rapturewear at Victoria's Secret ... classic! Great post!