Wednesday, November 30, 2011

How Can You Tell When Your Neighborhood Has Gone Bad

A friend is currently living next to a 'transitional' neighborhood in the Ville of Knox. That's the standard euphemism for 'seedy.' You can always tell when the neighborhood is going in that direction by looking for a few tell-tail signs:

1) The public buildings look like candidates for urban renewal.
2) The bail bondsmen advertise weekend specials.
3) The drug addicts go to shop in pairs for safety reasons.
4) Beer can pyramids in front of houses.
5) You can find old-style moonshiners.
6) You can hear the interstate highway noise. No, oops! All this means is that you're in Knoxville.
7) The orange spirit flags are a faded orange, turning brown.
8) Hallucinating policemen.
9) People think that The Dead Clowns' song 'Bad Moon Rising' is about a fat person flashing his behind off a balcony.
10) The panhandlers are licensed to panhandle.
11) The grocery store sells 15 different types of snuff.
12) Every block has a car with at least one rim on a concrete block.
13) You don't snicker when you see Gay Street.
14) You search in vain for a Starbucks'.


  1. Gay Street? I thought you weren't supposed to say that in Tennessee.

  2. "The Ville of Knox." I like that! And having spent some time (involuntarily, but that's another story) in Knoxville, I can understand all of this.