Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Overcoming the ABC Sex Pattern

In many couples, the extent of coupling may devolve into the dreaded ABC sex: they engage in lovemaking only on anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas. Often there's no significant problem in their relationship; it's the doldrums of a bad habit they fall into. Very symptomic of that habit is the absence of lovemaking on the day dedicated to love: Valentine's Day, which becomes for them a roses and/or chocolate occasion.

How can this be oversome? With a little imagination and planning. Now Heidi, the Montanan Love Goddess, will suggest some possibilities:

1. Ground Hog Day Sex -- What better excuse for a little roll in the hay besides honoring the upcoming end of winter and our furry friend. Spend this occasion with a little snuggling foreplay while watching the movie 'Groundhog Day' and play 'I Got You Babe' while in bed together. Of course, following the story line of 'Groundhog Day,' this calls for an encore. Or two. Or three. Forget about work the next day; both of you are sleeping in!

2. Republican Sex -- Set one day aside per year and do it in an approved Republican fashion. Missionary position only. Both wearing night shirts. Hopefully, the right one of you will assume the biblically-arrroved wide stance and feel dirty afterwards.

3. Democratic Sex -- Likewise, one special day per year. Do it doggie-style, and wear a yellow nightgown. [Lest this causes Santa Monica limousine liberals to get their knickers in a knot, think Yellow Dog Democrat.]
Anyone for bipartisanship?

4. Dirty Dancing Sex -- Agree to watch 'Dirty Dancing' together; then engage in sex afterwards. 'Dirty Dancing' is a known aphrodisiac for many women; and by requiring guys to watch it first, this amounts to pity sex for them.

5. Super Bowl Sex -- Make this his special day! Fix the right Superbowl snacks and lay in his preferred beer. All week is devoted to the pregame shows, and then THE GAME! This gets most guys in the spirit of things. As soon as the game is over,ou don a cheerleader costume, but go commando, and give a rousing cheer:

6. Kim Kardashian's` Birthday Sex -- Let looking at "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" get him in the mood.

7. Arbor Day Sex -- Whenever the Hell this is, it's a good day for lovemaking. Planting the tree is optional

8. Valentine's Day -- Make this an occasion to indulge each others' fantasies! Shop and find clothing for him (or her) that turns you on! Do you secretly desire him to dress as a bunny? Fancy a sexy stockbroker? How about a dirty Catholic school girl? Make it mutually fun and a day to remember!


  1. Ideally, a couple should couple three times a week, if both are healthy.

  2. Don't emphasize quantity. One really good, body trembling making of love is worth three perfunctory ones.

  3. Conservative Southern Democrates can wear transparent blue panties and demi-bra.

  4. I heard that New Orleans experienced an increase in the birth rate nine months after the saints won the Super Bowl. After a team wins the Stanley Cup, there a lot of Victory Sex going on.

  5. Anemone, you must be a newlywed. Three times a month is sual.

  6. "'Dirty Dancing' is a known aphrodisiac for many women." So true. It is said, of course, that the Tango (my favorite dance) is often described as the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. In any case, dancing is what takes the place of sex for those of us on the cusp of geezerhood.