Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Staging of Swimsuit Malfunctions

How can you be noticed by guys when your assets are slight? Frankly, this is a problem that several ladies must contend with. While many of us are modest and assuming, sometimes even the more introverted of us might wish to draw the notice of that special guy, who happens to be apparently oblivious to you! Behind this problem are two factors: (1) The fabled unawareness of males, and (2) The dramatic maldistribution of the assets that make one attractive to males; specifically such features as having large boobs or blonde hair.

Now we all have heard that Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (even a movie title), and some of us have gone the route of becoming dyed blondes, with varying degrees of success. (I did it once; but with decidedly negative parental reviews; let's leave it at that.) There is the initial and maintenance costs involved when you dye to be a blonde, but also the approximately 20 points decline in I.Q. that accompanies this change!

And some of us have gone the saline or silicone highway. One Chili Dog has gone the way of the silicone interstate highway! Doing this is very hard to overlook, in both the positive and negative senses. The rampant speculations abut their reality status are inevitable; but this is, in a way, a kind of attention-seeking, and it works.

There is another approach that might be used during times of warmer weather. Specifically, some bikini swimsuit tops or halters come with ties in the back. These could be, you know, strategically undone at the time when your target male is near by. Immediately hold the falling top against your chest, and present yourself as both helpless and dismayed!

A bikini with bottom and top ties is necessarily a tension-raising thing: onlookers implicitly think: what if it becomes undone? (And many guys think, "Oh, please . . . . " And the scenario I'm describing capitalizes on that primal male fantasy: here's a helpless woman in need of a manly man to save the day!

So, by all means, consider this ploy. But do it strategically, and consider the possible risks. For example, you might show more than intended, or he might instead decide to acquire a souvenir!   My advice is, know your guy, and do this only if you're sure he's a gentleman. He just needs his gentleman button to be pressed.


  1. Uh, yes. But this plot can also draw the creepy types, especially if you do it repeatedly.

  2. Why not just flash your boobs at him and make your message unequivocal?