Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Witch Hunt

The city fathers and mothers of Salem wanted to have some unique, touristy event that capitalized on its local theme, which was based on it being the place where the famed Salem witch trials in 1692 occurred. There, as you know, 19 witches were hanged and one was pressed to death. (Five more died in prison, making one wonder about what the prison was like.) Unfortunately, there are no more witches in Salem nowadays, if there ever were any. Most people nowadays are doubters. Indeed, Salem is strangely free of alternative thinking: there's not even a head shoppe or a New Age practitioner, just a few homeopaths.

Therefore, the idea of having a Salem Witch Hunt was found to be impractical.

But one creative soul thought of an alternative: how about a Salem Bitch Hunt? Yes, what a great idea. Find the person who is the bitchiest, and give her prizes such as six pairs of bitch shoes and a bottle of Bitch perfume. Obviously, she is likely also to be a high-maintenance bitch; so the winner would get a year's certificate for manicures and to have her own talk radio program.