Wednesday, June 23, 2010

News from Dorkistan

Good evening, Comrades! This day, Wednesday June 23rd, has been a great day in the revolutionary struggle of the People's Republic of Dorkistan.

The Revolutionary Council has completely abolished the salaries of governmental workers and, instead, launched a policy making bribery of public officials no longer illegal but now mandatory. Thus The People's Republic of Dorkistan moves into the forefront of national development, becoming the world's first admitted kleptocracy. Other notorious kleptocracies such as Russia, Mexico, and the United States have yet to strip off the bonds of social hypocrisy.

In another development, the Revolutionary Council has adopted a straightforward economic policy: (1) do it later; (2) cultivate the recreational drug industry; (3) serve as a haven for remittance persons; (4) become a prime Spring Break site.

In a surprising economic move, the Revolutionary Council announced subsidies for Cheerleader Camps. "This will give full employment for our more active people, the fruit of a firm commitment to Dorkistani Socialism and an allegiance to the vigorous life.

Reports from committes also marked the plenary session:

The Revolutionary Flag Task Force is still unable to come up with a banner reflecting the revolutionary zeal of the Dorkistan people, given that the stipulations that the colour scheme include pink and baby blue.

The Tourist Council reported that Dorkistan has recently been removed from the list of Most Dangerous and Creepy Places after a few strategic bribes. Money well-spent, in my opinion.

The Revolutionary Ladies' Swimwear Task Force has announced its standards for proper ladies' swimwear. Single-colored bikinis, even strings, are acceptable as long as the caboose is covered and the swimwear includues a colour-matching native Dorkistani woolen hat. In reflection on the season in which swimwear might be worn, the ear flaps need not be lowered.

The Revolutionary Television Cooperative announced that it will show the A-Team four days a week; the remaining days being set aside for revolutionary indoctrination. This surprising move reminds all of the imperialist forces and bad haircuts that the Dorkistani Revolution is struggling against.

The Council of Mullahs demanded and got double overtime and free street parking for their revolutionary complaining.

The Revolutionary Council adjourned to a coyote bar after the meeting, and several danced Dorkistani folk dances on the top of the bar while the rest got dead drunk.

In the world of sports, the Olympic Committee of the People's Republic of Dorkistan has petitioned the IOC to include Zen bowling and Zen synchronized swimming as Olympic sports for the 2012 Olympics. Presently, Dorkistan will will participate in the marathon and gymnastics.

No comments:

Post a Comment