Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Inflatable Lifelike Mail-Order Bishop

Are you having trouble getting the sort of episcopal supervision YOU want?

Does your parish want the freedom of congregational rule without the stigma of COMING OUT as Congregationals or Presbyterians?  Are you tired of bothering with those who disagree with you?

Agape Dolls, Inc. has heard your prayers and solved your problem!  Now you can buy your OWN inflatable bishop, specially installed with download options to YOUR specifications!  This bishop is guaranteed to say NOTHING which can surprise or offend!

NOW you can retain the HERITAGE and DIGNITY of episcopal visitation without worrying about heresy!   The inflatable bishop comes with a sophisticated speaker system (activated by a remote control in YOUR hands!) programmed to pronounce absolution and benediction and words of confirmation and ordination--but only to those of whom YOU approve.

Made of lifelike rubberite, the Port-a-Bishop has special velcro hands which attach to heads of confirmands and ordinands.  Bishop deflates for safe, easy storage.

Two models, to better accessorize your ceremonies:

    (a) Model 1928-AC. THE ANGLO-CATHOLIC, complete with five beautiful removable cape and mitre sets. $300.00
    (b) Model 1928-lowprot. THE EVANGELICAL MODEL; left hand raised in warning, holding lifelike leatherette Bible. $150.00 (Please specify business suit or tweed jacket.)
    Model 1928-AC is endorsed by the Prayer-Book Society.

    PLEASE SPECIFY DIALECT OF YOUR EPISCOPAL VISITOR. Currently available: Oxbridge, Texan, Old South, Artistic Lisp*, and Rwandan
    *Model Discontinued.


    1. Bishops should be mostly seen with their neat funny hats. There was one that did three-hour sermons at special events.

    2. If you order one for delivery to the DC area, you need to specify the model that comes with a Beretta instead of a biretta.

    3. Great satire of the High Churched.