A New Use for Sticky Stars

Why not as mini-pasties?

Interesting Thoughts for Today

Don't Try This

Stripping for a Kentucky Win:

WKQQ in Lexington, KY is the premier FM rock station in that area, and was known for some surprises.

In one of those back in 2005, one of their personalities/disk jockeys yclept Kitten (real name Kristen) appeared on a billboard with the teasing note, 

As advertised, when the University of Kentucky won a football game, Kitten gamely shed her sweater:

Lo and behold, the UK football team won a final game over Vanderbilt.  Kitten delivered as promised.

Kitten was probably not worried about this going too far.  After all, this was only University of Kentucky football!

Last year, she even served as an Atlanta Hawks cheerleader on a bet:

Anti Science

God help us . . . . they do!

Save the Tatas!

The Tata is the most widely used vehicle in India.  Here's a nice SUV made by them.

I can imagine how driving a Tata in Montana would go over......

It's More Fun Being a Redhead

It helps to have an Irish family name like O'Rourke too, because being redheaded seems to go with it.  Anyway, I so totally regard hair color to be a variable rather than a constant in one's life.

As a matter of fact, constancy is truly overrated.  I think that doing things on a whim makes for spice in life; and life should be enjoyed to the fullest.

A fashion sense question, though.  Is it a color clash to wear a U.T. orange and white jersey if you have red hair?  As a matter of fact, does an orange and white color scheme go with any hair color?



Sabrina the Teenage Witch's Roll Tide Panties

Here's a hot tip for those of you who are inclined to bet on football games: the Alabama Crimson Tide will definitely beat the Tennessee Vols.  The actress credits her wearing Alabama panties as being a factor in Alabama's tromping of Texas A & M.  Does this work only with actresses, or should I get some Griz or Blue Raider panties?

http://www.knoxnews.com/knoxville/pop-culture/will-melissa-joan-hart-jinx-the-vols-with-her-underwear

Obviously, the Knox News is trying to scrape up something to write about.

Checkerboards and Curses

Now for a little news from the Volunteer State:  On October 4th, Tennessee played their rival Florida at Neyland Stadium in Knoxville.  Coach Butch Jones requested that the fans "checkerboard" Neyland Stadium in a pattern of orange and white.  While the color scheme is Dreamsicle and White, that is U.T.'s colors.  Even though the fans had little lead time for doing so, they turned out handsomely in orange and white:

Things did not go so well in the game itself.  Florida beat Tennessee, 10 - 9.  Some of the fans expressed their disappointment through a profane chant: "F**K Florida.  That was really trashy and low-slung!
http://www.knoxnews.com/govolsxtra/football/ut-chastises-students-for-chanting-profanity-during-florida-loss_85744595

Lord Kelvin Quote

Missed You!

But I'll take better aim next time!

Been in MT too long....

Last Names for Children

The Goddess of True Love had a sense of humor at times.  She managed to make Delbert Loose and Christine Bowels become smitten with each other.  The kept their own names, as couples often do nowadays.

After six months their bouncing baby boy, Darrell, appeared.  But what last name should baby Darrell get?  Darrell Loose, Darrell Bowels, or Darrell Loose-Bowels?  Our intrepid parents decided to name him Darrell Lowell, amalgamating the parents' names.  After all, why stick their beloved son with either ugly name?

The Tennessee Attorney General was recently asked an opinion by a concerned legislator: Can parents give a child of theirs' a surname different from either of theirs'?

The AG's opinion was that either parent's last name was acceptable, or hyphenating the two; but they could not give a child a new last name that was different from both parents'.

Thus a small bit of freedom gets eroded.  Gee, even Republicans can act so arbitrary at times.  In my opinion, the child's first and last name should be solely the parents' decision.

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/state/tenn-ag-parents-cant-give-kids-new-last-names_51691825

Another Side of Hillary

Origin of the Name 'Sooner State'

Oklahoma is the Sooner State. Now what caused this nickname to come about?

There's the Official Version. According to this, there were a series of land rushes when Oklahoma Territory was settled. Some people did not play by the rules, but sneaked past the starting line early in order to get the best locations for their land claims.

In short, the state nickname enshrines people who cheat in land rushes.

But there's an Unofficial Version. When the territory was first settled, the settlement camps drew large numbers of prostitutes who had a large clientile. There was one amazing fact that these daring doxies discovered: the settlers were so excited to see them that they had hair trigger problems. Because of this, they could turn over more business per night than they otherwise could! They were able to turn a healthy profit because of this regional peculiarity among the males.  The state was named after a quaint 1890's term for a male sexual problem: premature ejaculation.

And because they finished so much sooner, the state became known as the Sooner State.

Which version do you prefer?

Stay Classy, Muscle Shoals!

How about Muscle Shoals panties?

Engineers

An optimist sees the glass as half full.
A pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
An engineer sees the glass as twice the size it needs to be.

Outstanding Country Songs

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
21. I Bought A Car From A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So We're Even
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Lets Honeymoon Tonight
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
12. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woken Up With a Few
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
4. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Double
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
1. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

You Can't Shoot Bigfoot in Washington State

Good news!  The legislators in Washington passed a law making the Shooting of Bigfoot to be a crime, punishable by prison and a whooping fine!

Here is the actual text of the law:

Whereas there is evidence indicate the possible existence of an undiscovered species a primate mammal variously described as Bigfoot, Sasquatch, an ape-like creature or a subspecies of Homo Sapiens.

Whereas, reported recent and past sightings, research by anthropologist, Primatologists, biologists, forensic experts, cryptozoologists, independent organizations, private individuals and the famous chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall support this possibility.

Whereas, the absence of specific laws covering the slaying, taking, trapping or harassing of said specimens encourages laxity in the use of firearms and other deadly devices and poses a clear and present threat to the safety and well-being of persons living or traveling within the boundaries of the creatures habitat as well as to the creatures themselves.

Whereas, for the safety of all, the carrying or dispersing of firearms requires a sense of responsibility to all surrounding individuals and animals. It is the shooters full responsibility to correctly identify the species before the taking of aim and or the killing of a species, therefore ignorance will not absolve the shooter of said charges.

Whereas, be it resolved that any premeditated, willful and wanton slaying harassing or any malicious activities upon such creature shall be deemed a felony punishable by a fine not to exceed One hundred Thousand Dollars ($100,000) and/or imprisonment, not to exceed ten (10) years.

Whereas, in the event of the slaying or capture of said creature any and all (moneys) proceeds and revenues shall be donated to a state college for future studies and or the protection of said creatures. The rights and physical possession to the said creature shall also be immediately donated to a state college, for further studies.

An Awesome Yet Embarrassing Prank

Melanie and her boyfriend used to play pranks on each other at times.  He had a weird sense of humor.  That's usually exciting; however one day she nearly killed him for a prank that nearly got her sent to the Dean's Office.

He had this remote toy for his cat that would vibrate at the push of a button on a small remote.  It happened that this toy could be taken apart and still work.  The vibrating part is about the size and width of a quarter. Well somehow he had slipped it in the lining of her Daisy Dukes about next to you know what.  Now Melanie sometimes went commando when she was lazy, and it happened that this was one of those occasions.

When Melanie put them on she thought something felt different in its crotch (This pair was really tight, about a size or two too small) but she chose to ignore it in favor of looking hot!   While in her chemistry class, which she had with him, she suddenly felt this small vibrating sensation down there.   It first was just annoying but after a few minutes it started to feel kind of good.

Melanie bit down on her lip and crossed her legs even tighter and tried to ignore it.  Although it was insistent,  she figured she could wait until the end of class to investigate why this was going on.

After 10 minutes later, with over 30 minutes left in class it started to feel REALLY good and Melanie couldn't figure out what causing this!  It was hard to keep an interest in benzene and methane and all.  She just bit down harder and crossed her legs tighter but that actually made it worse (or actually better).  Melanie started to breath really, really audibly; which made the guys nearby look at her weirdly. As the pleasure increased, she let out a soft moan by accident. Although the teacher didn't hear it,  some of the class did.  She was practically holding her crotch to try and stop this vibrating.  It looked as if she was 'pleasing' herself.

As she let out an audible moan that my teacher heard, she quickly darted out the door and into the bathroom. It stopped outside the room and she checked her jeans and didn't find anything unusual so she came back and told her teacher that she suddenly felt as if she had to vomit so she ran out.  In the rest room, she found that she was completely sodden down there!

Well, with five minutes to go, the professor let class out early.  Then, Melanie went to her boyfriend whom she explained the problem to.  At first, he acted innocent; but soon fessed up to the little vibrator.

Melanie made him hand over the device that caused it to tingle, and she kept it in her Daisies for those special, private occasions.  And, sometimes, she would wear them to a particularly boring class in a lecture hall large enough that she could sit away from others!

Shoppers

Stay classy, you all!

Garryowen

Today and tomorrow is the 138th anniversary of the Battle of the Little Big Horn.  Here's "Garryowen" in honor of Custer's troopers lost in this battle.  

Garryowen, an old Irish tune, was the regimental song of the Seventh Cavalry.  Many in that regiment were Irishmen.

First Moon Party

This is something guys don't have to worry about.   This is so far over the top, but let's honor Flo.   er, Florida.  Enjoy!

State Senator Stacey Campfield

What Tips Mean

Montana Troopers

Fanta Se

Over the past thirty years or so, Santa Fe became transformed; but the changed appreciably affected the nature of the population of the City of the Holy Faith of St. Francis of Assisi (to translate its original name).

Despite being the capital of New Mexico, for a long time it had a small town, largely Hispanic and Indian feel to it.  The cost of living there was reasonable; and a number of hippies, as they were styled earlier moved there to experience the American Dream, including Indians too. 

But then the Beautiful People discovered it, and art galleries and luxury hotels sprang up.  It became increasingly expensive to live there, and to own a house due to the steep rise in property values.  Many Hispanics, Indians, and hippie offspring could not afford to live there unless they held down two jobs.

Santa Fe became a victim of its own success.  It lost its third world aspect, and became booming.

Graduation Day

Now for a moment of Millennial sappiness..  Cheer up, this gets resurrected by Twenties only once a year, at this time.


I think that Vitamin C's "Graduation Day (Friends Forever)" summarize that rite of passage.

Keep Knoxville Scruffy

Knoxville, Tennessee currently has a campaign with the odd slogan, "Keep Knoxville Scruffy.

Some other cities have followed atypical and strange claims to civic pride: "Keep Austin Weird," "Keep Portland Weird" are two that come to mind.

So how did this slogan originate? 

It seems that Wall Street Journal reporter Susan Harrigan, wrote back in 1980 a scornful piece entitled "What if you gave a World's Fair and nobody came?"  She dismissed Knoxville as "a scruffy little city on the Tennessee River."

But the World's Fair worked, and the put-down was turned into a boast of civic pride.  Knoxville boasted "The Scruffy Little City Did It" on t-shirts and pins after the 1982 World's Fair.

http://utdailybeacon.com/news/2013/nov/5/knoxvillians-capitalize-citys-scruffy-reputation/

A Mormon Sausagefest

Across Arkansas in Our Bras

Well, my friend Jessica and I were driving from Oklahoma City to Franklin as the last leg of a longish trip, and we were getting a bit restive (and peevish, if you must know).   Anyway, we were approaching Arkansas, easily the most boring state of the fifty!  I mean like turbo-boringgggg!

We talked about dares.  Jessica dared me to drive across Arkansas t-shirtless, just in my bra.  To egg me on, she took off her t-shirt.  Now I wasn't going to chicken out, so I peeled mine off too.  We flung them in the back seat, vowing not to put them back on until we had reached Memphis.  We figured we could do it, if we didn't require pee stops, so the dare was on!

We were making good time, past Russellville, Conway, and places never to be seen unless magnetic forces draw us off the interstate.  However, bad news!  An Arkansas State Trooper started to follow us, and OH SHIT!  He had is light on!

No way of shaking him, so I pulled over.

Here this state trooper sauntered over to the car, determined to enforce the laws of Arkansas as he was sworn to do and issue a citation.  Only to find two women in dressed in shorts and only their bras.

He asked, "What's going on?"

I explained that we had a dare going on, they we were planning to drive across Arkansas without our t-shirts.  For some reason or other, it made cosmic sense to him.

"You're bored, aren't you""

I had to agree that I was.

"Well, I won't write you up for speeding; but keep under the speed limit until you're Tennessee's problem."  His facial expression might be described as a s**t-eating grin.

He was as good as his word.  He let us go with a warning, and a comment.

"That's a nice shade of pink bra you're wearing!"

Getting Expelled from Vacation Bible School

The usual drill each summer is for churches to sponsor Vacation Bible Schools.  Sometimes, the churches run these programs in different weeks; and enterprising parents enroll their sons and daughters in more than one, hoping to get some childless moments.

Mom signed me up in a V.B.S, run by a Baptist Church.  It met for a week between nine and three o'clock and served cafeteria-style lunches.  It was okay, I guess; but a little heavy on the hymns and Bible stories.  Well, we did get to act a few scenes out.  They vetoed a boy and I playing David and Bathsheba, but I was probably not destined for an acting career.

V.B.S. was cool because it put you with other kids.  Most were so-so about religion, despite being Baptists.  I suspect that Baptist mothers needed time away from their whelps, too.

Anyway, there was a boy that I hit it off with.  By Tuesday, we were sneaking kisses on the sly.  Several times, as a matter of fact.

However, during recess one of the old witches that coordinated the program caught us red-handed.  She sent both of us home for the remainder of the session.

Mom was not especially mad that I kissed a boy; but she was counting on those two remaining days!

When another church did a Vacation Bible School, I figuratively had a scarlet letter.  Getting red A's is easy when you're 12 and going to a Baptist Vacation Bible School.

Changes in Sexual Motivation with Commitment

There's a joke that the most significant substance reducing libido or sex drive in women is wedding cake.

A German researcher, Dr. Dietrich Klusmann from Hamburg-Eppendorf University Hospital, interviewed 530 men and women about their sex lives. 

He found that 60% of 30-year-old women wanted sex "often" at the beginning of a relationship; but within four years of the relationship this figure fell to under 50%, and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%.  In general, the longer a woman was in a committed relationship, the less she desired sex.

However, the proportion of men wanting sex "often" remained at between 60-80%, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship.  

Dr. Klusmann attributed these changes in frequency of desire in men and women as due to evolution.  There may be other factors, though.  Is this a culture thing, or an age thing?

I will admit that I find this a little unsettling.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4790313.stm

Do It for Denmark

Denmark has experienced an alarming decline in its birth rate.

However, more Danes are conceived due to their parents getting frisky while on holiday.  This little ad (with helpful translations) drives home the point.

So, spend some time in Paris!  Copulate a little!  Have a little Danish in your future.

Plus the breakfasts in Parisian hotels are first class!

Guessing a Woman's Age

A woman had a face lift, and on the way back to her first day of work, after recuperating; she stopped  at a gas station.  She asked the clerk, "How old do you think I am"?

 The clerk squints his eyes and studies her closely and replied, "You are 32 or 33 years old"?

The woman replied, "I am 47 years old."  The clerk told her, "That is unbelievable."

She left, and decided to stop at a McDonalds restaurant. There she asked a teen behind the counter,"How old do you think I am"?

The teen squinted his eyes and studied her closely and replied, "You're 33 or 34 years old"? 

The woman replied,"I am 47 years old."

The teen told her that she doesn't look any where near that old.

 

As the woman entered the elevator at the building where she worked, she noticed that the only two people on the elevator were herself and a man.  She asked the man, "How old do you think I am"?

The man replied that he can tell the age of any woman by holding one of her breasts in his hand. The woman thought to herself that it was just the two of them on the elevator, and then told the man to go for it.

He slipped his hand into her blouse, looked her in the eye and said, "You are 47 years old."

The woman replied, "That is absolutely unbelievable.  Are you some kind of person with extrasensory perception"?

The man replied, "No.  I was in line behind you at McDonalds."

Jeff Bridges Aids Montana Children Get Healthy Breakfasts

Here's a heart-warming story of Jeff Bridges' efforts with Share Our Strength, an initiative to get healthy start of day nutrition to school children in Big Sky Country.  Here he is visiting a school in Darby, MT with the Governor to promote this initiative.


Hooray and many thanks to actor Jeff Bridges!


http://www.kxlh.com/news/jeff-bridges-dines-with-darby-students-to-promote-school-nutrition/

Good King Wenceslas

Why flog a dead horse when you can ride it.  Here's a statue of Good King Wenceslas riding on a dead horse.  It's found in Prague.

For Free Ukraine!

Russian Bear: "They are acting like animals - why are they so dissatisfied?
Little Animals:  "Freedom!  Independence!"

The Problem With Extra-Large Fashion

Statue to the Unknown Stripper

A few days ago, Bilbo had an essay on who should rate a statue or some other kind of honor.  While politicians (oops, statesmen!), military figures, and allegorical figures are often publicly honored, some communities have unique statues.

Metropolis, Illinois has a statue honoring the Man of Steel. 
Yes, Superman.

Enterprise, Alabama has a statue of a boll weevil.

Dublin, Ireland has a statue of a character from a song, sweet Molly Malone, which wags call "the Tart with the Cart."

And Lviv, Ukraine has a statue of Ritter Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

I conceive of a bronze monument to a stripper to be displayed just off Exit 7 near Ardmore, TN.  She would be doing an intricate pole dance.  Who knows?  It may become the premier sculpture of southern Tennessee.

Happy Valentine's Day

Have a most Happy Valentine's Day with someone you love.

I hope you get sweeter sentiments than this one, and with a better rhyme:

Pompey's Pillar

Pompey's Pillar is located in south central Montana, not far from Billings.  It's notable in part because of graffito left by a early visitor.  William Clark, co-leader of the Lewis and Clark Expedition, carved his name and the date 1806 on the monument.  This is the only physical evidence remaining to localize where their expedition had visited.

Others have left their graffito, but none as famous as him.

Pro-Bush Liberals

Apparently the political spectrum is more complicated than originally thought.  Here's an article from the left-leaning New Republic to illustrate this. 

Will the National Review come out with an anti-bush position?  Like Daddy Ward, being conservatives, they tend to be hard on the Beav and prefer shorter hair.

"The truth is seldom pure and never simple."

                             ---Oscar Wilde

More Than One Blue Swim Suit

Here's a little slightly embarrassing moment from my misspent youth.
 
A group of us were doing Spring Break down on the Gulf Coast near Panama City, and we were swimming near darkness in deep water, cavorting around.  Just on a lark I decided to give my boyfriend a little squeeze, so I gave him one after sneaking up on him underwater from behind.  No problem, I thought, despite my approach from behind and underwater: he's the one wearing the blue swim suit.   This was intended as a hint of what could occur later on tonight.

My total bad!  I thought it was my boyfriend that I gave this little squeeze to, but it was someone else.


More to the point, he was not wearing an athletic supporter.


The other guy gave me sly looks for the rest of the evening.
But, I figure, what harm was done?

Really, Really Odd Book Titles

I confess that I'm a sucker for odd book titles.


There's a sense of wonder: why did someone bother; but another side of me says that I should be open to new experiences.  Sometimes that can be a good thing.


It raises existential questions:  Should a person knit a sweater out of dog hair?  Why would farting be good?  What sort of crafts might be made out of pantyhose?


Are there delicious recipes that might be made from roadkill?  Am I missing something from my life?


There's a book on Gay Bulgaria.  Must be a fascinating read if I return to Varna or Plovdiv.


There is even a book entitled The Romance of Proctology.  Fascinating reading for bum doctors.


I did not see these on the list; but there are book titles like Father Christmas Needs to Wee and Bondage for Beginners.  I guess the latter one is illustrated.




http://www.bikepaths.com/humor/oddTitles.html

Whore Houses in Tennessee

Yes, Tennessee has odd laws; including the "proud bitch" statute occasionally encountered in internet summaries of dubious legislation.  However, the "proud bitches" in this case refer to the four-legged rather than the two-legged variety.  Nancy Pelosi need not worry should she choose to visit Memphis.

But, one common old saw is that there is a law in Tennessee that states that no more than eight (some sources say four) adult women can live in the same house, as that would legally define it as a brothel.  This is often used as an example of the backwardness of the residents of the Volunteer State.

No, Charlie.

There's no such law.  Anyway, what defines a brothel is what takes place inside it, not it being inhabited by females.

If such a law existed, there could be no sorority houses.

And, under the stricter form of this supposed "law," the foreign residence of the Chili Dog Girls in Murfreesboro would meet that criterion.  Now I know that some errant males stayed from time to time, but nothing commercial was going on.

Anyway, as long as I'm on the topic of whorehouses in Tennessee, let me show you a picture of the second-best one: